Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my phone needs a breathalizer
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
