So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
