sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
