trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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