she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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