looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
