Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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