It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
