just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
