I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
smell my finger.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
