I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
