please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
