dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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