Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
