been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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