just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
