I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
