this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
