you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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