we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
