Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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