just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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