We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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