I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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