i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
