Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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