I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
