Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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