I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
