I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
