dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
