you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize