i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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