you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
