come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
