I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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