Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
