I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
