how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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