The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
