8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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