I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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