dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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