I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
