I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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