According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if only i could text you this smell
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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