I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
