Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
