I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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