Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
