I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
