So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
