He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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