All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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