She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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