I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
