I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
