Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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