you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
