Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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