All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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