I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
