There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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