All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
whose ass print is on the piano?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
