New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
