So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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