After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
