im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
