like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
