My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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