I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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