My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
home. puking in laundry basket.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
