thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thus making me awesome and them whores
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you never un-have a 4some
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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