i would punch a child for taco bell
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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