Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
